i heart dull generic sports blogs

giambi vs rodriguez

2006-09-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

where does giambi, whose statistics were inflated by steroids, get off criticizing alex rodriguez, who is currently 'slumping' at .286 with 34 home runs and 116 RBIs?! to give a quick summary of giambi's illustrious career, you have to begin with his pseudo-admitted steroid use. from there, he avoided drug speculation in 2004 by claiming that a stomach virus had widdled him down 40 pounds and left him too sick to play for half a season. when he returned, he did so with a significant decrease in power, and a batting average that hovered around .200. in 2005, he had a decent season; a .270 average with 32 home runs. this of course, was likely due to giambi finding some new cocktail of growth hormones to help him bulk up. even with whatever performance enhancing drugs he was taking, his numbers, in a complete season, were less than those that rodriguez has reached this year with ten games left to play. giambi is the worst kind of cheater; the kind that makes everyone love him. i cheered for him, his image of the everyday guy that earned success through hard work. he had everyone fooled, and i'm fairly certain he's trying to fool everyone again. rodriguez is having an off year, granted, but his off years are still better than anything giambi is capable of producing. please giambi, leave criticism to those that still have some credibility.

agassi

2006-09-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

the match last night between agassi and baghdatis was incredible, and i have no idea how agassi's back will be able to recover in time for his third round match. for the baghdatis match he needed a 20 minute cortisone injection, which he thought would only keep him loose for a little over an hour. the match ended up stretching to 3 hours and 45 minutes, and by the end it was the 21 year old baghdatis' inferior conditioning that gave 36 year old agassi the win. it's great to see agassi look somewhat like his old self, minus the hair, cutoff jeans and earrings of course. the way the draw is shaping up, one more win would likely create a fourth round match against andy roddick, and a great exit for one of the ten best male tennis players of all time.

freedom fries

2006-08-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

if you're looking for a reaction, insult a french canadian. in fact, i wonder if that generalization is enough to get me attention! a few weeks ago, Paul Tracy made a stereotypical remark about french people in general. on consecutive sundays, tracy wrecked a french driver, and the driver subsequently attacked him physically while still wearing their helmet. long after the second race had finished, and after fielding questions in four separate interviews where reporters led him with questions like 'what do you think about two fights in a row where guys didn't take their helmet off,' tracy finally gave people the soundbite they wanted, saying that french guys always keep their helmets on. it was an obvious joke, one that has been used since the first world war. in fact, a few nights ago on the colbert report, colbert stated that the only difference between sending 200 french soldiers to lebanon and 2 million was around 2 million prisoners of war. sure, it's not the same joke, but it's similar in its message; french people are poor soldiers, not fighters, and pushovers.
don cherry has used a similar slur when discussing the use of visors in the nhl, claiming that more french hockey players 'hide' behind visors than non-french players. the french media, however, has no sense of humour when it comes to these statements. papers in montreal have slammed tracy, and french drivers bourdais, tagliana, and ranger have all stated that they believe the fans in montreal should show tracy how they feel about his statement.
i'm not saying that what tracy said wasn't insensitive, but in the words of mother teresa, this PC bullshit has got to stop. with ridiculously exaggerated backlashes from a supersensitive public on the rise, and every athlete, celebrity, and politician under intense scrutiny, we are well on the way to squashing all individuality on our televisions. why risk saying what's on your mind, or making a joke, if it's going to be taken and used to prove a sensitive public's point about you, or your gender, or your profession, or your race?
people of quebec, please, for once, let this slide. the more you blow this up in the papers, the bigger a deal it becomes, and the more it looks like these comments have struck a nerve, unearthing a giant insecurity that plagues you night and day. brush it off as a hothead saying something ignorant in jest, and move on. or, take your helmets off when you fight. either one will do, really.

so many reasons to hate joe theismann the commentator

2006-08-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

it's hard to separate your admiration of someone's career from their complete ineptitude in another field. joe theismann was a great player, but adds nothing to a football commentary. it was always obvious that theismann was over his head, but now, with the quick witted tony kornheiser by his side, it's even more painful to watch theismann's incompetence. he adds no insight other than his own stubborn view of the way things are or should be, and refuses to allow evidence to sway him. it's only the first pre-season game of espn's monday night football experiment, but already you can see theismann getting angry when kornheiser interjects or makes a valid point that opposes theismann. a prime example of theismann's uselessness as a colour commentator came up when he said that oakland's offensive coordinator, who has been away from coaching for many years and hired by his friend art shell, would thrive. when kornheiser skeptically asked if he really thought a guy that had been away from football for 8 years while running an inn and being a small town mayor could return and be immediately successful, theismann's detailed response was "yes," which was followed by a few seconds of silence as kornheiser waited for theismann to give some sort of reason, or an explanation as to why he felt how he did. but none came.
the same sort of standoff took place after theismann said he wouldn't have picked leinart with oakland's #7 pick either, and also believed leinart would have trouble succeeding in the nfl. period. when asked why, he said something about not proving himself and having a weak arm. the weak arm is granted, but as kornheiser then pointed out with regards to the leadership knock, leinart did lead his team to two national championships (nearly three). what he didn't point out, and what theismann surely knows, is that intelligent quarterbacks like leinart have had moderate to great nfl careers in spite of their arms, montana being an example of the latter and pennington being the former.
earlier this summer, theismann lashed out at his former canadian football team the toronto argos for signing 'known drug addict' ricky williams. theismann, with no inside knowledge as to what drugs ricky williams was caught using, claims that the player is an addict, and that toronto's signing will encourage drug use in the nfl. clearly, any player earning 4 million dollars per year will risk getting banned from the nfl now that they have the option of making 200,000 dollars a season in the cfl. great logic, joe!
his lack of skills as a commentator should not overshadow his brilliant and determined career, but as he continues to make inept remarks and bore us to death with his dated and shallow football knowledge, it eventually will.

celebrity deathmatch: gatlin vs landis

2006-08-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

gatlin and landis, engaging in some flag love

one week after it was revealed that floyd landis had tested positive for an abnormal testosterone level, 100 meter world record holder justin gatlin was also caught. though competing in different sports and coming from vastly different backgrounds (landis is pennsylvania dutch while gatlin grew up in brooklyn) their careers have taken very similar paths.

in 2004, gatlin was struggling to make headway with the talented US Olympic track team when an anonymous person delivered a drug sample to testing officials. the individual claimed that several top level runners were using the drug, known as tetrahydrogestrinone (THG), and the sample enabled the IOC to screen athletes for this specific drug. the knowledge that they would be caught led several american track athletes to drop out of olympic qualifying, and gave gatlin his spot in the athens games. he went on to win gold in the 100 meters, and his coach then admitted to having delivered the THG sample to officials to enable gatlin to make the team.

prior to the 2006 cycling season, landis also struggled for recognition as the third best american cyclist behind 7 time tour de france winner lance armstrong and olympic gold medalist tyler hamilton. the 2006 tour de france was landis's best chance to succeed, as armstrong had retired, hamilton was serving a two year ban for blood doping, and several other big names had been knocked out of contention via a spanish doping scandal. the thinning of the field allowed landis to claim his first tour de france title, becoming the third american to do so.

both athletes, who had been outspoken in their condemnation of doping in their sports, were then caught for steroid use, and both claimed innocence. landis changed his story numerous times, first saying that the abnormal ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone in his system was caused by the cortisone injections he required for his hip. he then decided that alcohol was the culprit, followed by his body's own naturally abnormal testosterone levels (which for some reason only showed up after his best stage), then dehydration, and finally, when the testers revealed the steroids they found were synthetic, landis decided that the test was rigged by the french, who have an anti-american agenda. gatlin went directly to the conspiracy theory, blaming an angry former trainer for having spiked a water bottle, or the sample itself.

both are likely entirely guilty, but even if their conspiracy theories turn out to be true, landis and gatlin's controversies have moved their fringe sports even further from the ranks of legitimate sport.

defending rooney, zidane

2006-07-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

both players made what are being described as giant blunders, and both are renowned for their temper. but from where i sit, both did what i wish more soccer players would do. rooney, after getting mauled all game and watching portuguese players drop to the ground at the drop of a hat, finally snapped, and tried to muscle through two players that had dropped to the ground while hauling on his arms. in the process, he stepped on a player THAT WAS LYING ON THE GROUND. sure, it might have been intentional, but how can you tell? rooney refused to collapse to the ground, so the referee had no idea how to handle the situation. if he was in doubt, ronaldo helped him out, getting in his face, screaming for a red card, and when said card was granted, the weasel turned to his bench and winked.
in another act of greasy, zidane got his short fuse lit again, this time by an italian player that is well known for his dirty tactics, having been previously suspended four months for punching another player in the face. it's now believed that materazzi called zidane a 'dirty terrorist,' and zidane would not let his algerian roots bare the insult. as was expected, the headbutt led to the immediate collapse of materazzi, which drew the attention of the ref and resulted in zidane's justifiable exit from the match.
what the two events showed me about soccer was that the diving, complaining, taunting unsportsmanly individuals are rewarded for their uniquely criminal talents, while those that stand up for themselves are ultimately punished. as strange as it may sound, i respect zidane more now than before the headbutt. those complaining that the headbutt was seen by children and that it will serve as a bad example are dead wrong. first, it showed that tempers lose tournaments, as zidane was punished for his actions. second, it showed that dirty talk and greasy play can at times be met with retribution, which might even disuade some from playing like weasels in the future. if anything negative is to be drawn from the event, it's that children might realize that the sport itself rewards dirty tactics, diving, and complaining to referees.
short of canada qualifying for the tournament, i have watched my last world cup.

no owen no problem?

2006-06-22T13:37:00.000-07:00

owen didn't look ready to play, and losing him might be a blessing for the english team. that is, as long as rooney comes around. this ad suggests he might...or kill a goat and smear its insides all over his chest.

aw, he's so little

2006-06-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

there's going to be a five foot, one inch golfer in the US Open. Tadd Fujikawa is just fifteen years old, and has only been golfing for four years. like michelle wie, he's from hawaii, but unlike her, fujikawa is drop dead gorgeous.

random collection of news

2006-06-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

i love that one week before the midpoint in the formula 1 season, the silly season is already in full swing. montoya rumoured to red bull, villeneuve out of a drive, coulthard to ferrari, raikkonin to ferrari, schumacher leaving ferrari, fisichella out of a drive. and on top of it all, villeneuve quits the GPDA out of protest for schumacher's move in monaco.

australia makes me want to enjoy soccer. i really only watch soccer during the champions league and the world cup, and i'm constantly frustrated by the diving of players and the excessive amount of control referees have on the outcome of a match. but the aussies, with their coach pushing officials and their players scoring three goals in the final 10 minutes to beat japan, are a legitimately exciting underdog. it will be hard getting past croatia for second in the division, but just getting a win was significant enough!

ben roethlisberger is doing much better today, and the motorcycle accident that could have killed him might not even take a day off of his playing career. it turns out his knees aren't nearly as damaged as first reported, and his broken jaw/etc have all been successfully repaired. all may be well in steeltown.

sports bonanza

2006-05-29T09:36:00.000-07:00

what a crazy day in sports! pro hockey, junior hockey, basketball, home runs, cfl signings, and racing. my man Corey Stillman scored the OT winner against Carolina, while Roy's QMJHL team beat Moncton for the Memorial Cup. the Mavs beat Phoenix to lead 2-1 in the series, and the Toronto Argonauts signed former NFL running king Ricky "spiritual journey" Williams.
the real drama, for me, was the biggest racing day of the year. the Monaco GP was a close race before Kimi and Webber's engines blew up, but the attrition did allow my favorite F1 driver, Coulthard, to earn Red Bull it's first podium. (shown here wearing a superman cape)
the Indy 500, which has lost some of its luster with the Champ Car/IRL split, was exciting for once. the big storyline for me was that my favorite driver all-time, Michael Andretti, was returning to the race from a 3 year retirement just to be able to race with his son Marco. with some good pit strategy, Michael ended up leading the race with 10 laps to go, with his son in second. The problem for Michael was that he was on old tires, and his son passed him with 3 laps to go, and Hornish soon followed. Michael, showed a lot of class in not blocking Hornish, who drove an amazing fourth turn to close the gap to Marco, and pass him at the line. despite my andretti bias, i have to admit it was a great race, and that the better car won. i have even more respect for michael, who proved a lot of people wrong in racing a competitive race after a 3 year retirement, and was one caution short of winning the race for the first time in his 15 years at indy.
i was nearly sick of sports by the time the Coca-Cola 600 started, but in between hockey goals and the basketball game, i did manage to catch the final few laps. i was glad to see that Waltrip's purchase of Cope's car yielded little benefit, as he was out after about 100 laps. i was also glad to see Kahne hold Johnson off to end Johnson's dominance at the track.
And then, to top off the day, Bonds FINALLY hit that 715th home run he's been having nightmares about. It's over, Barry. you're ahead of Babe Ruth in the one category you will ever pretend to care about. sure, you'll never touch his other career records, you took 500 more games than he did to reach 714, and will never pitch a shut-out in the World Series, but you beat him once, and I hope that's enough for your ego. next on the list; Hank Aaron, Bond's godfather, and the true home run king. it'll be interesting to see if Bonds retires to keep the record clean and without controversy, or if his ego gets the best of him again, and he trudges through 2 dismal seasons just to hit a few home runs and break a record nobody will give his steroid ridden body credit for anyway.

what waltrip did

2006-05-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of the Waltrips in Nascar, but Michael's purchase of a driver's spot in the 600 race this Sunday seems wrong. I understand that his sponsers wanted to be in the race and likely gave him the money to buy the spot, but it sets a bad precedent. Next week, I imagine Donald Trump allowing someone to qualify for him, and then buying his spot. If Michael Waltrip wasn't fast enough to qualify, he shouldn't be allowed in the race. Cope runs his own team, and if Waltrip wrecks his car it would be very hard for Cope to come up with enough money to run the following week (unless of course that's stipulated in the contract). Either way, you shouldn't be allowed to sell your spot in any sport.

In Formula One, Schumacher showed his evil side again, stalling his car in a dangerous spot on the last lap of qualifying, which conveniently prevented anyone from besting his top lap time. He's either the smartest man in racing, or the luckiest. Now if I can convince Trump to buy me a spot in an F1 race...

UPDATE: Schumacher was just stripped of the Pole Position for deliberately interfering with qualifying, and has bene relegated to the back of the starting grid. This is a fantastically intelligent ruling from officials, for once not looking like they pander to the seven time world champion. Yay justice!!

did i mention he eats children?

2006-05-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

sports need bad guys, and though nobody likes to see the bad guy win, it's often good for a sport when they do. barry bonds may not pass hank aaron's all-time home run record, but he'll pass babe ruth within the next few days and already holds the single season mark. that means one of the most hated players in the history of baseball will act as a target for good players for years to come. and with our hatred of barry, it'll be fun to cheer for them. the player with the most legitimate chance is albert pujols, who is on pace to break barry's single season home run record this year, and if he stays healthy, has a chance to reach the all-time record. another bonus regarding barry bonds' status as an evil jackass is that you feel absolutely no guilt about reporters constantly hounding him about steroids, or photographers taking pictures of him where he looks like a stoned dandy boy, as is illustrated here.

most expensive glue ever!

2006-05-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I witnessed one of the most disturbing sports injuries I have ever seen. I've seen worse injuries, but what makes Barbaro's ankle injury so troubling is that if he doesn't recover, he will die!! From projected triple crown winner to the school supplies aisle in walmart may be the fastest swing of luck in sports history.

Goooooooooooooaaaaallllll

2006-05-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

and another one. sniff. barcelona is winning

Goooooooooooaaaaallll

2006-05-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

Barcelona scored. Sniff. it's tied

Gooooooooooooooaaaaallllllll

2006-05-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

Arsenal just scored while one man down against Barcelona. Exciting soccer game? crazy!

say it ain't so, dougy!

2006-05-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

Doug Flutie officially retired today, ending both a 21 year career and in effect, my reason to live. I was too young to remember his brilliant college career, or this first stint in the NFL, but I vividly recall his glory days in the NFL, and his triumphant return to the NFL with the Buffalo Bills.
At just under 5'10" it was amazing that he could even see over the line, let alone survive the tackles of 350 pound linemen. He proved critics wrong, and turned a Heisman winning college career into an enduring professional football persona. Off the field, he formed the Doug Flutie Jr Foundation for Autism, which has raised millions of dollars to help fight the disease.
Flutie now moves onto broadcasting, and will work on ABC as an analyst for college games...at least until a younger, taller analyst comes along. Stupid Rob Johnson.

"wie makes cut"

2006-05-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

a tiny injury or a golf accomplishment? for non sports fans, it's a valid question. for those addicted to sports, this headline signifies that after 7 attempts, michelle wie has found a tour where she can actually outperform men. that tour is in korea, where professional male golfers are largely overshadowed by the international success of korean female golfers. if ever there was a group of men that are going to take getting beaten by a 17 year old woman personally...

in korea, american michelle wie is either loved because she is of korean descent or hated because she makes so few references to this fact when questioned. personally i'd love to see her do well there. she might have a hard time matching se ri pak's 10th place finish in the same men's tournament in 2003, but she should still leave a positive impression. at the very least she's getting a large paycheck, having already been paid 750,000 just for showing up, which might be enough to pay for a nice vacation on Jeju island. maybe...

laces out, dan!!

2006-05-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

Rivet's stick in the way of Carolina's OT goal is exactly the idiotic play everyone's come to expect from him. The sole consolation from my side is that one of my favorite players, Stillman, scored the winner. At the start of the season I foolishly picked Carolina to win the cup because of 'the stillman factor,' as he'd been the last edition to the cup winning Tampa Bay team. Sadly, there's no way they're getting around New Jersey next round, but if all goes well they might be able to poke out a few eyes.

In tragic sports news, Doug Flutie may be retiring. He's 43, but still solid enough to be a number 2 on many teams - just not the Patriots, and he says he loves home too much to go anywhere else for a one year stay. Maybe, after losing Vinatieri and replacing him with the less than reliable Martin Gramatica, the Patriots could use Flutie to do single point drop kicks all year. Anything to keep me from accepting the fact that everyone everywhere eventually retires.

shame on you, premonition

2006-05-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

as montreal scored their sixth goal on martin gerber, i warned a skeptical matt that this would be montreal's undoing. much like the last time montreal faced carolina, their offense embarrassed lina's goalie, and the backup dominated montreal in the following games. i hope i'm wrong, but it's looking increasingly hard to beat cam ward. i've tried nearly every superstitious trick in the book in hopes of swaying the hockey gods in montreal's favour, and am left with suspect options such as the reverse rally cap and pele's shavo-rama to toy with chance, and since neither actually exists, i doubt they will work.

here's hoping koivu has two eyes for the '06 season.

sleep, dear pat

2006-04-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

The Leafs fired Pat Quinn today. The poor guy did all he could with Toronto, but Ferguson wants his own guy in there, and missing the playoffs was a decent enough excuse to can Quinn. On the bright side, at least now he might be able to sleep! Honestly, I've never seen another human being with bags under their eyes like Quinn. You could carry groceries in those things. Wow. That was some bad writing.

In the Duke Lacrosse rape case, two arrests have been made, though one of the two already claims to have ATM receipts and a cab driver as witness to his being home long before the crime took place. Still, the fact that he was able to perfect an alibi within a day of being arrested is fairly suspicious. The two were charged with kidnapping and rape, and a third party has yet to be arrested. This may be because the prosecution is working with the third accused, and have gotten him to give evidence against the other two. What's complicating the legitimacy of the charges is that the lead prosecutor is running for re-election, and may be trying a case with minimal evidence simply to get his name in the headlines. It's all very confusing, and we probably won't know any more details now until the actual trial in early 2007.

Hockey playoffs start Friday night. I'm going to be in Toronto to watch the Canadiens games which should be interesting, possibly even stab in the face interesting.

RAGE!!!!!!!!

2006-04-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

We all hate Duke. We all hate elitism. We all hate Lacrosse. And we all hate rape. These points aside, it isn't fair to destroy the lives of 46 college students without a trial. The alleged rape that took place at a Lacrosse party at Duke University has become a rallying point for students across the country that are tired of the preferential treatment given to student athletes. The debate is also fueled by race and class, as a poor black student was assaulted by rich white athletes.

So yes, it would be easy to lynch the accused, arrest them, cancel the Duke Lacrosse program, and fire all associated coaches and staff. But after all team members (save the lone black athlete) gave DNA samples that turned out negative, the conviction is in doubt. It's degenerated into a 'he said, she said' type of case, with no witnesses or evidence. To add to the prosecution's problems, the accuser has a criminal record and the officer that found her that night described her as intoxicated. The case will be very hard to win, and it is entirely possible that the lacrosse players are innocent.

But no matter the outcome, because of the story being leaked to media outlets, the players will never be able to live normal lives at Duke University. True, the players are guilty of underaged drinking, and had no business hiring a stripper or taunting her with racial slurs (which some players admit happened), but that doesn't mean they should spend the rest of their university lives in fear of their own safety. Even if the crime was committed by three of the team members, the other 43 guys may have had nothing to do with it, didn't know about it, and have no association with the guilty other than playing on a sports team with them.

I agree that something has to be done to change the attitudes of athletes at these schools and their destructive behavior, but crucifying this team in particular based on circumstantial evidence is not right. Wait until the trial. If they're guilty, bring your guillotine. If their innocent, treat them as such, however rich and arrogant the assholes are.

peace and love,

-getupkid

please tv, no more poker

2006-03-31T18:38:00.000-08:00

that's it. i'm officially sick of watching poker on television. i love playing poker, and talking about poker, and even watching it live, but the terrible commentary, the cheesy human interest angles and the endless commercials of tv broadcasts have to stop!

poker telecasts aren't even the biggest problem; regular tv shows are ten times worse. not only does every sitcom/drama/porno (the three true legitimate genres of watchable tv) have a poker episode, but they always always always get it wrong. the most recent example was last week's episode of Lost. Jack, who I already hate for being the king of the island, sees Sawyer, Hurley and Kate playing a game of poker, and decides to butt in. We're supposed to get the impression that he is a very skilled player, as he can immediately tell what each player is holding (he's apparently good because he spent time in Phuket?!). Then when playing Sawyer, he beats him, but to prove who is more skilled, Sawyer wants to play one more hand. One more hand?? Wouldn't that prove who was luckier? They're also betting arbitrary amounts, like 'see your three mangoes, raise a bottle of polysporin.' WHAT?? In the end, instead of having Sawyer bluff and get called by Jack, they have Jack bluff with a very bad hand, and Sawyer call with NOTHING! Now even a non poker player knows that the aim of a bluff is to get someone off of their hand, so you can't 'bluff' someone that already put everything in. Also, Jack says "I'm all in." What does that mean? Four more mangoes and his tennis shoes?

Arg...I need to cool off. And Lost needs to start getting better, and fast!

bed sores: the mark of a true fan

2006-03-26T20:45:00.000-08:00

if it wasn't for sports, there would be absolutely no reason to wake up on sundays. i'm pretty good through the week when it comes to living an actual life and avoiding mutation due to television radiation, but sundays are for sports saturation and new episodes of the sopranos and that alone! this sunday had the season's first IRL race, two elite eight basketball games, the player's championship, a nascar race at bristol, and a montreal canadiens game. it was hard, but with two remotes, some tricky cable splicing, a makeshift feeding tube and a bottle for urine, i managed to watch uninterrupted sports coverage for a solid 7 hours.

it was one of those days in sports where everything happened at once, from two stories of underdogs pulling through, to a racing tragedy. the tragedy was the death of Paul Dana, a rookie IRL driver that was killed in a two-car accident during a pre-race practice session. from the interviews i saw a few years ago when he was in the infiniti series, he seemed like a very fun, interesting guy. Dana took the long road to professional indy car racing. he earned a journalism degree and began covering races ten years ago. he then took a job in canada as a mechanic, and worked his way up to crew chief before eventually getting a chance as a driver. he was impressive enough in the infiniti series to earn a spot with rahal/letterman racing in 2005. sports usually provide a sort of escape from reality, where you can forget about any stresses in your life or problems in the real world and join an audience in cheering for something as irrelevant to the big picture as a man hitting a ball with a stick. death always puts the insignificance of sports back into perspective.

the rest of the sports day tried its best to cheer us up. stephen ames, the definition of a multicultural canadian, won The Player's Championship by dominating the top golfers in the world. Ames, whose parents are British and Portuguese, lived most of his life in Trinidad and Tobago, and moved to Calgary with his wife twelve years ago. He was given Canadian citizenship over two years ago, but it was just recently that the networks started putting that little maple leaf beside his name in their graphics. i like him because he has a very self deprecating sense of humour, which is rare in professional athletes. i hope this win will make him as popular as mike weir, but i doubt it. after all, weir is friends with gretzky, and you can never out-cool that in the eyes of any canadian.

in college basketball, George Mason beat a stacked UCONN team to become the first number 11 seed to make the final four in twenty years. cinderella teams rarely make it past the elite eight, so this is especially huge for us losers that cheer exclusively for the underdog. as a sidenote, i'd like to thank the NCAA for its neverending use of alliteration, beginning with Selection Sunday, and moving through March Madness with the Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, and Final Four. sports journalism is truly home of the cheese, or Chewy Cheese, as they'd likely call it.

all in all, it was a well rounded day of sports. now if you'll excuse me, i have a urine bottle to empty before the sopranos starts.

what an idea!

2006-03-15T14:47:00.000-08:00

i was a kid when i first learned that only a select few major league baseball players were canadian. still, i thought, if they were to be grouped together on one team, they could give the americans a good fight. i carried the idea with me into university, where i actually drew up a hypothetical baseball world cup based on major league rosters. as dull as baseball can be sometimes, the possibility of adding international rivalries to the game for virtually the first time seemed really exciting.

and then to my amazement, Bud "what steroids? who's on steroids? i don't see no freakin steroids!" Selig actually approved such a tournament. the draws were set, with canada unfortunately being stuck in its regional grouping with mexico and the united states. i'd argued constantly with a few students back in korea over which country had the better 9 man baseball squad, and now, hopefully, the world baseball classic could provide an answer.

canada rallied late to beat a very amateur south african team in their first game, and things did not look good. but the following day, they jumped out 8-0 on the US, and hung on for an 8-6 win. to me, that was enough. tournament over. i imagine the koreans felt the same way when they defeated japan 3-2 in the opening round. sadly for canada, that was the end. they lost to mexico 9-1, and lost on run totals in the three way tie for first in their bracket, with the top two (US and mexico) moving on. to be fair, they were only the third best in their division, and the strongest two teams did move on, but baseball should never have such a short round robin.

anyone can beat anyone in a single game. take the kansas city example. they finished dead last in their division, and had i believe 65 wins in 162 games all year. still, they managed to sweep their season series with both the yankees and the dodgers, becoming the first major league baseball team in history to do so. on any given day, a team like canada, for example, can beat a powerhouse like the US. that is what makes baseball exciting, but it's also what makes the early round of this tournament too dangerous from a marketing point of view. had canada lost 2-1 to mexico, the united states would have been eliminated three days into a two week tournament.

but enough about that. back to the thrilling run of the korean team. straining the minds of sports commentators everywhere, korea started their 'three Lee' outfield for the game against japan, with another Lee on first base, two Kims pinch hitting, and a Choi throwing pitches to Cho. "Cho calls low and inside, Choi delivers. fly ball to right centre, Lee signals fair catch, but Lee calls him off. throw back to Lee on first." it's like an asian Abbott and Costello sketch.

this korean team really is impressive, but i get the feeling that the baffling, soccer-esque format of the tournament will derail them. They've gone 6-0 to advance to the semis, while the US or japan will get in with a 3-3 record, and has a very real chance of beating the korean in a one game semi to reach the finals.

baseball purists will be rooting for a dominican/US final. political pundits will be cheering for cuba to make the finals against the US, at which point Castro will likely declare himself the starting left fielder. haha...left field. oh that was funny. ahem. i will be going for korea, not just because they're the underdog, but to give some relevance to the qualifying system and generate worldwide interest in the final, so that maybe if i'm lucky, there will be another baseball classic in four years. and we'll get to see stubby clapp run the bases again. oh canada!

if that's not a robot...

2006-03-07T22:13:00.000-08:00

there i was, casually watching SportsCentre like I do most evenings when to my surprise, evidence for my longstanding, often criticized conspiracy theory was wheeled before me. my belief, for those unfamiliar with my teachings, is that all cheerleaders are robots. plain and simple. some are hotbots, to be certain, but all are run by circuits and computer chips. in simpler times, they were controlled by a system of levers and pulleys, which moved their metallic frames in a manner pleasing to the unsuspecting audience. now, with continued technological advancement, we have more complex cheer routines, and even male cheerbots are being brought into the market.

the evidence i speak of came from a southern illinois basketball game, where a tiny little cheerbot was thrown high into the air, only to come crashing down hard on the back of her head. there was an unsettling silence in the arena, as most realized that a fall of that sort was enough to kill most people...most people.

not only was the cheerleader alright, but after being secured to a stretcher, she performed a full out routine using just her arms while medics (or mechanics disguised as medics) carted her off the floor. it was surreal. clearly a robot. think of how idiotic a person would have to be to disregard a paramedic's orders to remain motionless (until x-rays and other tests were performed to ensure there was no serious damage) simply to try and motivate her team with creepy 'hey look i'm strapped to a plank, how silly' arm motions. also remember that the team was in the locker room at this time.

some say this act showed true school spirit and a strong will, but i can come to just one conclusion - damaged circuits leading to a tiny little cheerbot getting stuck in an endless loop.

desperately seeking converts,

getupkid

you're my boy, blue

2006-03-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

hey all!

...though at this point 'all' likely refers to myself and a small lebanese child desperately searching for delicious internet cookies. not sure why my mind wandered specifically to lebanese, or chose that terrible joke to begin a new blog, but as they say in german: 'ze backspace button iz broken.'

this is my sports brain, laid bare for anyone to pick apart and critique. i have far too many rants concerning sports clogging up otherwise good conversations, so in a desperate attempt to hang onto my few remaining friends, i am banishing my sports knowledge to an easily referenced blogspace.

to illustrate my problem, the following is a list of sports i enjoy watching, or will watch/discuss when there is nothing else to do:

nfl football
college football
arena football
canadian football
nhl hockey
mlb baseball
college football
nba basketball
college basketball
f1 racing
champ car racing
nascar racing
horse racing
two cats chasing a mouse around in a bucket
pretty much any form of racing
boxing
boxing movies, as in raging bull, cinderella man, rocky, etc
foxy boxing
foxy boxing movies, as in million dollar baby, girl fight, etc
old school wrestling (as in hulk hogan fighting the ultimate warrior...or blue fighting two girls in ky jelly)
poker
golf
tennis
track
curling
rugby
and finally, soccer.

so barring all of those sports going on strike, and having their pasts erased from my memory, i should always have something to write about.

-getupkid