freedom fries

if you're looking for a reaction, insult a french canadian. in fact, i wonder if that generalization is enough to get me attention! a few weeks ago, Paul Tracy made a stereotypical remark about french people in general. on consecutive sundays, tracy wrecked a french driver, and the driver subsequently attacked him physically while still wearing their helmet. long after the second race had finished, and after fielding questions in four separate interviews where reporters led him with questions like 'what do you think about two fights in a row where guys didn't take their helmet off,' tracy finally gave people the soundbite they wanted, saying that french guys always keep their helmets on. it was an obvious joke, one that has been used since the first world war. in fact, a few nights ago on the colbert report, colbert stated that the only difference between sending 200 french soldiers to lebanon and 2 million was around 2 million prisoners of war. sure, it's not the same joke, but it's similar in its message; french people are poor soldiers, not fighters, and pushovers.
don cherry has used a similar slur when discussing the use of visors in the nhl, claiming that more french hockey players 'hide' behind visors than non-french players. the french media, however, has no sense of humour when it comes to these statements. papers in montreal have slammed tracy, and french drivers bourdais, tagliana, and ranger have all stated that they believe the fans in montreal should show tracy how they feel about his statement.
i'm not saying that what tracy said wasn't insensitive, but in the words of mother teresa, this PC bullshit has got to stop. with ridiculously exaggerated backlashes from a supersensitive public on the rise, and every athlete, celebrity, and politician under intense scrutiny, we are well on the way to squashing all individuality on our televisions. why risk saying what's on your mind, or making a joke, if it's going to be taken and used to prove a sensitive public's point about you, or your gender, or your profession, or your race?
people of quebec, please, for once, let this slide. the more you blow this up in the papers, the bigger a deal it becomes, and the more it looks like these comments have struck a nerve, unearthing a giant insecurity that plagues you night and day. brush it off as a hothead saying something ignorant in jest, and move on. or, take your helmets off when you fight. either one will do, really.

so many reasons to hate joe theismann the commentator

it's hard to separate your admiration of someone's career from their complete ineptitude in another field. joe theismann was a great player, but adds nothing to a football commentary. it was always obvious that theismann was over his head, but now, with the quick witted tony kornheiser by his side, it's even more painful to watch theismann's incompetence. he adds no insight other than his own stubborn view of the way things are or should be, and refuses to allow evidence to sway him. it's only the first pre-season game of espn's monday night football experiment, but already you can see theismann getting angry when kornheiser interjects or makes a valid point that opposes theismann. a prime example of theismann's uselessness as a colour commentator came up when he said that oakland's offensive coordinator, who has been away from coaching for many years and hired by his friend art shell, would thrive. when kornheiser skeptically asked if he really thought a guy that had been away from football for 8 years while running an inn and being a small town mayor could return and be immediately successful, theismann's detailed response was "yes," which was followed by a few seconds of silence as kornheiser waited for theismann to give some sort of reason, or an explanation as to why he felt how he did. but none came.
the same sort of standoff took place after theismann said he wouldn't have picked leinart with oakland's #7 pick either, and also believed leinart would have trouble succeeding in the nfl. period. when asked why, he said something about not proving himself and having a weak arm. the weak arm is granted, but as kornheiser then pointed out with regards to the leadership knock, leinart did lead his team to two national championships (nearly three). what he didn't point out, and what theismann surely knows, is that intelligent quarterbacks like leinart have had moderate to great nfl careers in spite of their arms, montana being an example of the latter and pennington being the former.
earlier this summer, theismann lashed out at his former canadian football team the toronto argos for signing 'known drug addict' ricky williams. theismann, with no inside knowledge as to what drugs ricky williams was caught using, claims that the player is an addict, and that toronto's signing will encourage drug use in the nfl. clearly, any player earning 4 million dollars per year will risk getting banned from the nfl now that they have the option of making 200,000 dollars a season in the cfl. great logic, joe!
his lack of skills as a commentator should not overshadow his brilliant and determined career, but as he continues to make inept remarks and bore us to death with his dated and shallow football knowledge, it eventually will.

celebrity deathmatch: gatlin vs landis

gatlin and landis, engaging in some flag love


one week after it was revealed that floyd landis had tested positive for an abnormal testosterone level, 100 meter world record holder justin gatlin was also caught. though competing in different sports and coming from vastly different backgrounds (landis is pennsylvania dutch while gatlin grew up in brooklyn) their careers have taken very similar paths.

in 2004, gatlin was struggling to make headway with the talented US Olympic track team when an anonymous person delivered a drug sample to testing officials. the individual claimed that several top level runners were using the drug, known as tetrahydrogestrinone (THG), and the sample enabled the IOC to screen athletes for this specific drug. the knowledge that they would be caught led several american track athletes to drop out of olympic qualifying, and gave gatlin his spot in the athens games. he went on to win gold in the 100 meters, and his coach then admitted to having delivered the THG sample to officials to enable gatlin to make the team.

prior to the 2006 cycling season, landis also struggled for recognition as the third best american cyclist behind 7 time tour de france winner lance armstrong and olympic gold medalist tyler hamilton. the 2006 tour de france was landis's best chance to succeed, as armstrong had retired, hamilton was serving a two year ban for blood doping, and several other big names had been knocked out of contention via a spanish doping scandal. the thinning of the field allowed landis to claim his first tour de france title, becoming the third american to do so.

both athletes, who had been outspoken in their condemnation of doping in their sports, were then caught for steroid use, and both claimed innocence. landis changed his story numerous times, first saying that the abnormal ratio of testosterone to epitestosterone in his system was caused by the cortisone injections he required for his hip. he then decided that alcohol was the culprit, followed by his body's own naturally abnormal testosterone levels (which for some reason only showed up after his best stage), then dehydration, and finally, when the testers revealed the steroids they found were synthetic, landis decided that the test was rigged by the french, who have an anti-american agenda. gatlin went directly to the conspiracy theory, blaming an angry former trainer for having spiked a water bottle, or the sample itself.

both are likely entirely guilty, but even if their conspiracy theories turn out to be true, landis and gatlin's controversies have moved their fringe sports even further from the ranks of legitimate sport.