if that's not a robot...

there i was, casually watching SportsCentre like I do most evenings when to my surprise, evidence for my longstanding, often criticized conspiracy theory was wheeled before me. my belief, for those unfamiliar with my teachings, is that all cheerleaders are robots. plain and simple. some are hotbots, to be certain, but all are run by circuits and computer chips. in simpler times, they were controlled by a system of levers and pulleys, which moved their metallic frames in a manner pleasing to the unsuspecting audience. now, with continued technological advancement, we have more complex cheer routines, and even male cheerbots are being brought into the market.

the evidence i speak of came from a southern illinois basketball game, where a tiny little cheerbot was thrown high into the air, only to come crashing down hard on the back of her head. there was an unsettling silence in the arena, as most realized that a fall of that sort was enough to kill most people...most people.

not only was the cheerleader alright, but after being secured to a stretcher, she performed a full out routine using just her arms while medics (or mechanics disguised as medics) carted her off the floor. it was surreal. clearly a robot. think of how idiotic a person would have to be to disregard a paramedic's orders to remain motionless (until x-rays and other tests were performed to ensure there was no serious damage) simply to try and motivate her team with creepy 'hey look i'm strapped to a plank, how silly' arm motions. also remember that the team was in the locker room at this time.

some say this act showed true school spirit and a strong will, but i can come to just one conclusion - damaged circuits leading to a tiny little cheerbot getting stuck in an endless loop.


desperately seeking converts,

getupkid